she looks

like she once was beautiful, but now all the soul is gone from her dark rich brown eyes which were once round and full of light but now are flat and dull.
her long brown hair is knotted and tangled with the scent of pot and drinking.
she is the same height as me, but probably twenty pounds less, which places her around 90 pounds at 5ft9in.

the first thing my mother said when she saw me was, "you look a fucking beanpole, don't that father feed ya? He don't love you like i do."

no, "hi honey, happy birthday to my daughter that i abandoned fourteen years ago and haven't spoke to since."

you may say that since she left when i was three it really doesn't affect me. well having your father tell you that your mother left because she doesn't love you anymore leaves an imprint, a scar, a hole, that cannot be filled. She left in the middle of the night 14 years ago. she took the money, the tv and even the dog. but she forgot me and blake. thats what i told myself for 10 years until i accepted she wasn't coming back for us, but i didn't cry once, but now i felt the tears welling up in my eyes and i couldn't even look at her.

she asked me, "what happened to ya hair girl?" she meant where had my lovely stick bone brown locks that used to fall to my hip (the longest hair you have ever seen on a three year old) that we would brush every night gone. the correct response came quickly to my head, "well, after you left it stopped being taken care of. One night when I was 7 and we were living in a motel in Illinois Blake pulled my hair. I went to go and tell my father, being the tattletale seven year old we all were, but he was drinking. I forgot we were not supposed to talk to my father while we was drinking. For my punishment i took out his razorblade and grabbed my head. bit by bit he chopped off my hair until it was above my ears and sticking out at odd angles."
but i just shrugged my shoulders and rolled my eyes. she then asked me if i had a smoke.
i told her to fuck off and go find blake.